Once a Cheater.....

Cheating: Why We Stray and What Society Won’t Admit About Infidelity

Cheating is the dirty word we whisper behind closed doors, yet it’s one of the most common, unspoken realities in relationships. Society tells us infidelity is wrong, immoral, a breach of trust—but if it’s so forbidden, why does it happen so often? According to Dr. Kelly Campbell, 20-40% of married couples will experience cheating at some point. The real question isn’t just why people cheat, but why we’re so shocked when they do.

Let’s challenge what we think we know about fidelity, and explore the truth behind why infidelity is more about human nature—and less about moral failure.

Why People Cheat: It’s Not Just About Sex

Contrary to popular belief, cheating isn’t always about sex. Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of The New Monogamy, explains, “Cheating often stems from emotional disconnection, boredom, or the need for validation.” People cheat not because they’re inherently bad or immoral, but because they crave something that their relationship isn’t providing—whether that’s emotional intimacy, excitement, or simply attention. Sometimes, it’s not dissatisfaction at all—just the thrill of the unknown.

Here’s the kicker: humans are wired for novelty. Over time, long-term relationships can fall into routine, and the allure of someone new becomes more tempting. It’s not that the current partner is lacking; it’s the feeling of discovery that drives infidelity.

The Influence of Family and Pop Culture: Normalizing Infidelity

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room—your upbringing. If you grew up watching a parent cheat, you’ve probably been conditioned to view infidelity differently, even if you’re unaware of it. Research shows that people raised in households where cheating occurred are more likely to cheat themselves. It’s not just the act of betrayal; it’s the normalization of secret desires and hidden lives.

Then there’s the influence of TV, movies, and music. Popular culture romanticizes cheating, turning it into a symbol of freedom or rebellion. Think about it: how many songs glorify affairs as passionate, irresistible trysts? TV shows like Scandal and Mad Men depict cheating as part of the fabric of life, making it appear like a natural, albeit complicated, element of relationships. These portrayals desensitize us to the moral consequences of infidelity, subtly telling us that cheating is not only common but sometimes even justified.

The Geography of Love: Is Monogamy an Illusion?

Here’s a challenge to the way we think about relationships: 8 billion people exist in the world. So why are we convinced that “the one” lives within a 20-mile radius? Society has conditioned us to believe that love should be local, convenient, and fit neatly within the confines of monogamy. But what if your soulmate isn’t in your city, your country, or even on your continent?

Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, questions the pressure we put on monogamy, saying, “We expect one person to fulfill all our needs—emotional, sexual, intellectual—but that’s an enormous expectation to place on one relationship.”

The truth is, most of us never explore the idea that our true soulmate may live halfway across the world. Instead, we settle for what’s nearby, what’s easy, and what’s socially acceptable. When we cheat, are we really just rebelling against the constraints of geography and the unrealistic expectations we place on our partners to be everything for us?

Rethinking Infidelity: Is It Always a Betrayal?

Here’s a thought that might make you uncomfortable: what if cheating isn’t always the end of a relationship, but a wake-up call? Instead of branding infidelity as an unforgivable betrayal, what if it’s seen as a reflection of unmet needs or unspoken desires?

Esther Perel argues that infidelity doesn’t always have to be the death of a relationship. In her book The State of Affairs, she writes, “An affair can be a tragedy, but it can also be a catalyst for growth.” In some cases, cheating forces couples to confront what they’ve been avoiding—whether it’s emotional disconnection, lack of intimacy, or personal dissatisfaction.

Cheating, while painful, can be a way to explore what’s missing in a relationship. It doesn’t excuse the hurt, but it does challenge the assumption that monogamy is the only “right” way to love. Maybe the real betrayal isn’t infidelity, but the idea that one person can be everything for us, all the time.

Breaking Free from the Norms

Cheating isn’t just about desire—it’s about defying the limitations society has placed on love. With the world growing smaller through technology, and with more diverse expressions of relationships (like open relationships or polyamory) becoming more visible, maybe it’s time we stopped shaming infidelity and started questioning the rules that confine us.

We’ve been taught that monogamy is the ideal, and cheating is the ultimate sin. But what if the real problem is the illusion of exclusivity? What if it’s time to acknowledge that one person might not be enough to meet every need—and that’s okay? Maybe the future of relationships is about honesty in what we desire, not just fidelity to societal expectations.