I Need Time to Grieve

Coping with the Loss of Loved Ones: Navigating Grief as Part of Life

Losing a grandparent—or any loved one—is one of life’s most difficult challenges. Whether it’s the wisdom your grandfather shared over the years or the warm hugs from your grandmother that made everything feel better, the loss can leave a hole that’s hard to fill. While grief can be overwhelming, it’s also a part of life, something every person will eventually face.

Grief can come in waves, often when you least expect it, and learning how to process it is an essential part of healing. This post will explore expert opinions on grief, healthy ways to share and manage your grief, and tips for friends and family members who want to support someone going through loss. We’ll also cover what not to say or do, so you can avoid unintentionally making things worse.

The Process of Grief: Understanding the Journey

Grief isn’t linear, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to handling it. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the study of grief, identified the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, modern grief experts emphasize that not everyone will experience these stages in a set order or even experience all of them. Some may linger in one stage, while others may cycle through them in unexpected ways.

Grief, for many, is a lifelong process. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a renowned expert on loss, describes grief as something that evolves over time. In his book The Journey Through Grief, he explains, “Grief is not something you get over. It’s something you learn to live with.” The idea is that over time, you find ways to honor the memory of your loved one and integrate the loss into your life, but it may never fully go away.

If you’ve lost a grandparent, it can feel particularly difficult because they often hold a special place in our hearts as family elders, storytellers, and sources of wisdom. Processing this loss involves both grieving the person and, in many cases, grieving the role they played in your family’s history.

Healthy Ways to Process Grief

There’s no “right” way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to process your emotions and allow yourself to heal over time. Here are a few techniques to help you navigate the complex emotions that come with losing a loved one:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s important to accept that grief is a natural response to loss. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief if your loved one had been suffering. Don’t try to suppress these emotions. As Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, states, “You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge.” By recognizing your feelings, you give yourself permission to grieve openly.

 2. Create Rituals to Remember
One way to honor your grandparents or loved ones is to create personal rituals. This could be lighting a candle in their memory, visiting their favorite place, or making a dish they loved. These rituals can help you feel connected to your loved one and give you space to reflect on the positive memories.
   

3. Talk About Your Loss
Don’t be afraid to share your grief with others. Talking about your feelings can bring relief and help you process the loss. Whether it’s with a family member, close friend, or therapist, verbalizing your thoughts can reduce the burden of carrying grief alone. Grief counseling or joining a support group can also provide a safe space for you to share your experiences with others who understand.
   

4. Journal Your Feelings
Writing about your grief can be incredibly therapeutic. Journaling allows you to express your feelings without fear of judgment. You can write letters to your loved one, share memories, or simply reflect on how the loss is impacting your life. Writing helps organize your thoughts and gives you a tangible way to work through your grief.
   

5. Give Yourself Time
Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and healing isn’t something you can rush. Allow yourself as much time as you need to grieve. If you’re struggling with everyday tasks, it’s okay to take a step back and prioritize self-care. Grief is emotionally exhausting, and it’s important to be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey.

How Friends and Family Can Help Those Who Are Grieving

If someone you care about is grieving, it can be hard to know what to say or do. Sometimes, your instinct to offer comfort might unintentionally hurt or alienate them. Dr. David Kessler, a grief expert, suggests that the best way to support a grieving person is to “show up and listen.” Here are a few ways to help without making things worse:

1. Offer Presence, Not Solutions
One of the most helpful things you can do is simply be there. Don’t try to fix their grief—because it can’t be “fixed.” Instead, offer a listening ear and your presence. Often, saying nothing at all but being there for a hug or a cup of tea can be more comforting than words.
   

2. Avoid Saying, “I Know How You Feel”
Everyone’s grief is different, and phrases like “I know how you feel” or “I’ve been through the same thing” can minimize someone’s pain. Instead, try saying something like, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here if you want to talk.”

3. Acknowledge Their Loss
Sometimes, people are afraid to bring up the deceased because they don’t want to make the grieving person more upset. However, mentioning their loved one can actually provide comfort, as it lets them know that their loved one is remembered. Share a fond memory or simply say, “I’ve been thinking about your grandmother. She was so kind.”

4. Offer Practical Support
Grief can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Offering practical help—like bringing over dinner, helping with childcare, or running errands—can ease the burden. Be specific when offering help, such as, “I’m going to the grocery store today. Can I pick anything up for you?”
   

5. Check In Over Time
Many people receive an outpouring of support in the days immediately following a loss, but the weeks and months after can be the hardest. Grief doesn’t go away after the funeral. Continue to check in, even months later, to let the person know they’re not forgotten in their grief.

What Not to Do or Say

While well-intentioned, certain comments and behaviors can unintentionally hurt someone who is grieving. Here are a few things to avoid:

1. Don’t Say “They’re in a Better Place”
Phrases like this can be painful, even if they’re meant to be comforting. Grieving individuals may not be ready to hear these kinds of platitudes. Instead, acknowledge their pain by saying, “I know this is incredibly hard for you.”
   

2. Avoid Rushing Their Grief
Telling someone to “move on” or “cheer up” minimizes their grief and suggests that their feelings aren’t valid. Everyone grieves on their own timeline, and pushing someone to get over their loss will only create more emotional distance.
 

3. Don’t Make It About You
When someone is grieving, it’s important to listen more than you talk. Resist the urge to share your own grief stories or shift the focus to your experiences. Allow the grieving person to take the lead in the conversation.

Conclusion: Grief as a Part of Living

Grieving the loss of a loved one, especially a grandparent, is a natural and inevitable part of life. While it may feel unbearable at times, it’s important to remember that grief is a reflection of the love you had for them. By finding healthy ways to process your emotions, sharing your feelings with others, and giving yourself time to heal, you can learn to live with grief and carry the memory of your loved one forward.

For friends and family supporting someone in grief, the best thing you can do is offer compassion, listen without judgment, and provide practical help where possible. Grief is a personal journey, and your presence can make all the difference.

Remember, while grief may never completely go away, over time it becomes a part of life that we learn to live with, honor, and grow from.